Biblical Wifehood - The Marks of an Influential Wife
Did you know that, as a wife, you hold great influence over your husband's spiritual life? That God has given you the ability to influence your husband's spiritual life in an enormous way?
You don't wield this influence by overpowering his leadership or by flattering words (or even by your attractiveness). You wield it through submission.
"In the same way, wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the word, they may be won over without a word by the way their wives live." -1 Peter 3:1
The Lord equates this submission to possessing "the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit."
Possessing this quality holds great worth (or value) in the sight of God.
What is inside of your heart is the true marker of beauty.
We model ourselves after the “holy women of old" when we operate from this spirit.
You may be desiring for your husband to step up and finally become the spiritual leader that your family needs. Or maybe you just feel like he is lacking in other areas. Regardless, the absolute worst thing you can do is nag him and try to strong-arm him. Not only will this be extremely detrimental to your marriage, but it was never a part of God's design for marital relations. But dear one, please take heart. There is a way you can positively influence your husband towards Christlikeness.
You just need to utilize the correct, God-given tools that are currently in your possession. Remember, you can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens you (Philippians 4:13).
Let's breakdown biblical submission.
submit: hupotassó (Greek); found in 1 Peter 3:1
~ it implies a voluntary attitude of cooperation (a.k.a. the process of working together toward the same end result; offering assistance + collaboration)
~ to willingly yield oneself and submit to another's leadership
Biblical submission also involves the ideas of mutual respect, love, and order within the household. However, regardless of reciprocation, we as godly wives are called to submit ourselves to the leadership and spiritual authority that our husbands carry. However, I'd like to pause here to say, if you (and/or your children) are suffering abuse and endangerment, then please get help immediately and remove yourself from danger.
How to enhance your attractiveness and influence as a wife:
living a pure, reverent life that provokes observation
adorning yourself with a gentle and quiet spirit
putting your hope in God
doing what is good and not fearing intimidation
The word used for pure in 1 Peter 3:2 is the Greek word, hagnos. It carries this compelling idea of being in a state or condition prepared for worship, including purity of action, thought, and intention. It reflects a life that is set apart for God.
The word used for reverent is the Greek word, phobos. It infers showing deference (regard, esteem, respect, politeness, consideration) toward someone who is in a position of power or leadership.
So, combining these two definitions of purity and reverence, a beautiful picture emerges of a woman who is, first, wholly devoted to God. Out of reverence for the LORD, she esteems what He esteems.
"For a husband has authority over his wife just as Christ has authority over the Church; and Christ is Himself the Savior of the Church, His body. And so wives must submit completely to their husbands just as the Church submits itself to Christ." -Ephesians 5:22-33
She sees herself as a conduit of His love and her worship to Him is in pursuing peace in her home and marriage.
In this way, she adorns herself with a gentle and quiet spirit. This gentle strength is the same quality that Jesus Christ possessed. It is a willingness to endure hurt with patience and without resentment. It is possessing strength under control. It's living with a kind and caring approach toward others.
She carries shalom, a demeanor marked with calmness and composure; a lack of disturbance which is reflected in her outward behavior. She lives harmoniously. She "keeps her seat," meaning she is not easily disturbed or confrontational.
It is in this way (of having a gentle + quiet spirit that is submitted to God-ordained leadership) that the holy women of old adorned themselves. This is the manner in which they made themselves beautiful, orderly, and attractive in a viruous way.
I personally don't believe there is anything wrong or ungodly about doing your makeup, taking care of your hair, or wearing jewelry and elegant clothing. However, this cannot be the only way in which we beautify ourselves. If so, we're no more attractive than the foolish woman who is like a gold ring in a pig's snout (Proverbs 11:22). I don't know about you, but I definitely don't want my beauty to be compared to Miss Piggy.
True beauty comes from the hidden reservoir of the heart - the lasting peace that comes from having one's hope in God. We should never misplace our hope in our husbands. It is way too much pressure for them to carry. They will always end up falling short and missing the mark. Then, they are no longer free to express their love in an uninhibited way. Instead, they are weighed down by our expectations and grievances.
The only rightful place for our hope is in our infinite, all-consuming God whose very essence and nature is Love itself. He loves with an unconditional, supernatural, & divine love. His love provides infinite joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
So, please continue to take care of your personal appearance, manage your household well, beautify your home, nurture your children, and conduct yourself well...but in all these things, don't neglect the intimacy and fellowship that come from a personal relationship with the Lover of your soul (Song of Solomon 3:4).
I hope I've made clear the direct correlation between possessing a gentle and quiet spirit and submitting to your husband's leadership. The two concepts are inherently intertwined in regards to becoming an influential wife.
It's a sacrifice; especially if your husband is passive or isn't leading in a Christ-like way. Even more so, if your husband is an unbeliever. However, there is a promise in this Scripture from the Lord, Himself. One that you can grab hold of and clutch tightly to...
"...even if some disobey the word, they may be won over without a word by the way their wives live." -1 Peter 3:1
Did you catch that?
Now, that's influence.
Just as the wife is called to yield to her husband by submitting to his God-ordained leadership, so the husband is called to love his wife in the same manner that Christ loved His Bride, the Church.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant Church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the Church— for we are members of His body. -Ephesians 5:25-30
When a husband and wife are living in proper relationship, marriage is the closest representation of God's divine love on this earth. What an honor it is that we, as godly wives, get to partake in this beautiful redemptive picture. Regardless of your husband's faith, maturity, or disposition, you can choose to portray the marks of an influential wife. You can choose to "do good" regardless of reciprocation and you need not “fear intimidation” for doing what is right. In fact, you might just be the catalyst of purity and grace that your husband needs to step into the calling that God has for him.
The Lord makes it clear that both, man and wife, are coheirs of the grace of life (1 Peter 3:7). Both have received a calling and a purpose that exalts the name of Christ to a hurting and unbelieving world. As His light bearers, we can shine into dark places and reveal the beauty of His ways.
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