Turning Your Home Into a Heavenly Haven ~ A Homemaker's Guide

If you're anything like me, you always dreamed of the day you would have a cozy, little home to call your own. A home fit with waddling children and a loving husband to nurture and care for. However, now that you're living out that calling, you find yourself falling into the trap of perfection, irritability, selfishness, and idleness a little too easily. This may leave you feeling like your aspirations of homemaking and Christian womanhood are dashed against the harsh realities of life. But, please don't despair! We're going to look at Colossians 3 which is packed full of biblical guidance on how to truly cultivate a home that is a picture of heaven on earth. Here are some of the verses we'll be focusing on in this post...

"Therefore, as God's chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of Christ, to which you were also called in one body, rule your hearts. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell richly among you, in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another through psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." {Colossians 3:12-17}

"Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and don't be bitter toward them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." {Colossians 3:18-20}

"Don't work only while being watched, as people-pleasers, but work wholeheartedly, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, do it from the heart, as something done for the Lord and not for people, knowing that you will receive the reward of an inheritance from the Lord. You serve the Lord Christ." {Colossians 3:22b-24}

I'd like to begin this pursuit of heavenly havens with examining the heart of homemaking.

Homemaking isn't about creating perfectly-curated Pinterest homes. It’s not an aesthetic of choice or a set of skills to learn. Instead, it’s about creating a nourishing space that is full of warmth and love. True biblical homemaking pursues leaving a lasting impact on others by modeling the love and care of Christ in everything we do. These intangible qualities can only come from possessing an authentic, life-giving relationship with our Creator and Savior.

| kardia | heart; "the affective center of our being;" i.e our "desire-decisions" that establish who we really are (our nature)

When we become "born-again," the Lord gives us a brand new nature as described in 2 Corinthians 5:17 and Ephesians 4:24:

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come!" {2 Corinthians 5:17}

"...and to put on the new self, the one created according to God’s likeness in righteousness and holiness of the truth." {Ephesians 4:24}

It's the Spirit of God that not only indwells believers, but empowers us to live out this new nature. His Spirit calls us to walk in the following attributes, especially within our homes:

compassion

kindness

humility

gentleness

patience

forgiveness

Let's do a quick word study to see exactly what these traits look like from a biblical perspective.

{Side note: I hope I can offer some Bible study tips for when you're digging deeper into the Word during your study time. I personally love using Bible Hub's Interlinear feature while doing my daily Bible reading. I click on the hyperlinked number catalog for that specific word to discover the original Hebrew or Greek meaning. It gives detailed information regarding that word or specific topic. I've hyperlinked the Interlinear Greek for each of the virtues below so that you can see how to use this feature.}

Study Notes -

1. Compassion: oiktirmos meaning to have deep feelings about someone else's burdens, difficulties, or sufferings; to respond with deep sensitivity (mercy) that imitates God's covenantal love toward His people.

   
   

2. Kindness: chrestotes meaning "useful kindness," i.e. meeting physical, practical needs in God's way; Spirit-produced goodness which meets needs while avoiding human harshness; a powerful goodness that is rooted in God's own nature.

   
   

3. Humility: tapeinophrosune meaning humbleness of mind that is free from self-exalting; living in complete dependence on the Lord with no reliance on self-righteousness (the flesh) or exhibiting false humility; a heart posture that honors God and worships Him as our Source.

   
   

4. Gentleness: prautes meaning the divinely-balanced virtue of gentle strength, i.e. strength under the Holy Spirit's control; expresses power with reserve.

   
   

5. Patience: makrothumia meaning "long-passion," i.e. avoiding the premature use of force (anger; retribution) by operating in Spirit-supplied patience/longsuffering.

A home that is filled with biblical compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and forgiveness is one that is life-giving. A woman of faith uses her strength and energy to cultivate a home that is grounded on the Word of God and His character. I recently saw a few quotes on Pinterest that grasped at my heart:

"Somebody is learning how to be a person by watching you."

And, to take it a little further...somebody is learning about God's character by watching your example. How are we modeling Christ to our families?

"God entrusted you to be the hands that bring His children to His feet." {Terri Hitt}

"Children do not experience our intentions no matter how heartfelt. Instead, they experience our tone, behavior, and actions." {quote adapted from Dr. Gordon Neufeld}

"Marriage is the most precious relationship we have on this earth, and it is only for this earth, so make the most of it and don't waste the time."

The first step in turning your home into a heavenly haven is to diligently cultivate the fruit of the Spirit (compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness) within yourself. A woman of faith uses this Spirit-produced fruit to offer her family, and others, a place of belonging and hospitality. She invites them into relationship with her. She looks for ways she can serve and nurture them; whether that be preparing meals, cleaning and tidying her home, lending a listening ear, offering words of encouragement, serving the local church, meeting a specific need, etc. She uses her skills, talents, and energy to create an environment that promotes rest and nourishment.

We’re also instructed to not hold grudges and to freely forgive the wrongs done against us. Paul reminds us that we forgive because we’ve been forgiven by Jesus. So, instead of wearing the restrictive grave clothes of grievances, bitterness, and unforgiveness, we’re to put on (literally, wear) love. Paul is referring to a divine love that’s sacrificial in nature. It’s covenantal love that’s not based on performance. It’s selfless, faithful, unconditional, and seeks the good of others. It creates and sustains a bond of unity (harmony). It also ushers in an atmosphere of peace, grace, and gratitude.

We are also commanded to work wholeheartedly for the Lord with reverence and devotion.

"Whatever you do, do it from the heart, as something done for the Lord and not for people, knowing that you will receive the reward of an inheritance from the Lord." {Colossians 3:22-24}

We can choose to carry a heart of devotion into our mundane, daily tasks. Folding laundry, putting away dishes, kissing a boo-boo - can all be acts of worship to Jesus. We’re serving Him when we’re nurturing our families and caring for others. He promises that we’ll receive an inheritance for our devoted acts of love done in His name.

The second step in turning your home into a heavenly haven is to prioritize the Word of God and worship.

“Let the word of Christ dwell richly among you, in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another through psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.” {Colossians 3:16}

Letting the Word of Christ dwell richly among you requires times of undistracted attention. What I mean is you’ll probably need to weed some things out of your life that are not serving you, your family, or your walk of faith. If you don’t have time to partake in daily Bible study, prayer, etc., but your phone’s screen time shows otherwise, that’s going to be a hindrance to your growth and intimacy with the Lord. I recently had to delete Instagram because I took inventory of the idol it was becoming in my life. I allowed it to take time away from my family, my priorities, and having my focus set on what the Lord has called me to in this season of life.

Once these idols/distractions are uprooted and removed, your focus and desires will change. You’ll begin to crave the things of God. Your ears will become attuned to the teaching of His Word and His ways. Your heart will be filled with songs of joy and thanksgiving. This change will be reflected in your home as well. It’s like a domino effect in the best way possible. Your home will begin to overflow with the Lord's presence - His peace, wholeness, and joy.

The third step in turning your home into a heavenly haven is to pattern your familial relationships after God's created order.

"Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and don't be bitter toward them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." {Colossians 3:18-20}

Women of faith were created to be helpmeets to their husbands (see Genesis 2). The term for "suitable helper" used in Genesis is the Hebrew phrase, "ezer kenegdo." It signifies a necessary aid and a powerful match. It implies a relationship of equality and a helper that is a formidable ally. Both man and woman were created in the image of God and, in their relationship to God, they are equally His children. Man is not superior to woman in that regard. However, in the context of God-ordained authority, Adam was created first, then Eve. Husbands received authority as the leaders of their families. Wives are commanded to submit themselves to their husband’s spiritual leadership. It is fitting in the Lord to adhere to His created order. In turn, husbands are commanded to love their wives. They are to treat them with the upmost care just as they would their own bodies. Lastly, children are to obey their parents. When we operate within this family structure, it's pleasing to the Lord and it’s a blessing to us.

God, the Father

|

Christ

|

Husband

|

Wife

|

Children

Remember that your husband is accountable to Christ. He is to be submitted under Christ’s authority, just as you're submitted to his leadership as the head of your family.

Our homes become heavenly havens when we're submitted to God's created order.

As his “ezer kenegdo,” you can encourage him in this calling by using your words to speak life into him (Proverbs 18:21), trusting in his leadership (Ephesians 5:23), praying over him (Philippians 4:6), responding to him in a sweet, soft tone of voice, choosing grace over arguing, and loving his imperfect self unconditionally.

The Bible actually calls you your husband's crown (Proverbs 12:4). You bring beauty and value to your marriage. Your companionship is meant to greatly enrich your husband’s life. You are a blessing to him from God.

Your godly influence and encouragement helps your husband step into the full-measure of His God-given calling. We softly and gently wield great influence in our marriages, so let’s pay close attention to the words we speak and the dispositions we carry throughout our days. We can ask the Holy Spirit to guide our actions and bridle our tongues so that we only speak and act in a way that is beneficial and uplifting - not only to our husbands, but also to our children. We can choose to build up our homes or tear them down. So, let’s choose to crown our homes with blessings, favor, and honor.

I hope this post has been encouraging to you. I pray our homes can become heavenly havens that shine as beacons of light and refuge in this dark world.

From my home to yours,

~Kate